Misbehavior is best judged by its consequences. The consequences of a child’s misbehavior affect 3 areas of performance. We might call them Consequence Areas:

•        Developmental (or age-appropriate) abilities – by which we mean physical skills (controlling one’s body) , social skills (benefitting from being with others) and intellectual skills (understanding things at an age-appropriate level).
•        Rule-following – being able to abide by reasonable rules for one’s age.
•        Relationships to others – avoiding a pattern of complaints from others.

When a child’s behavior fails to affect any of the Consequence Areas, it’s not worthy of a parent’s attention. Indeed, parents will quickly run out of energy if they attempt to manage all of a child’s annoying behaviors.

The greater the number of Consequence Areas threatened by misbehaviors or the more intense the disruption of performance in any Area, the more serious and potentially dangerous the misbehaviors become. Misbehaviors intensely affecting all 3 Consequence Areas are truly life-threatening and require the imposition of immediate steps to lessen danger. Lesser degrees of intensity, though requiring parents’ intervention, leave time to discover causes and develop management strategies.

To decide which professional(s) to consult and in what order, I suggest checking to see which developmental abilities are affected by the misbehavior (physical, social, intellectual).

•        For lagging or deficient physical performance consult a medical doctor, such as a Pediatrician, Behavioral-Developmental Pediatrician or a Pediatric Neurologist.
•        For lagging or deficient social performance consult a psychologist.
•        For impaired intellectual performance consult a Psychologist or an Educator.

Since misbehavior often affects more than one area of development, the order in which professionals check for causes is important. Physical causes should be sought by medical doctors before social deficiencies are assessed by psychologists. Social deficiencies should be checked by a psychologist before intellectual deficiencies are assessed by educators.