Children who bully intentionally and repeatedly humiliate or injure others. There’s always a reason for bullying. Some children suffer from mental health conditions which lead to bullying and over which they have no control. Other children choose to bully to defend against such conditions. In all cases, there are underlying causes fueling bullying. Take away the fuel and bullying stops.

As with bullies, children who are victims of bullying are targeted for a reason. Their vulnerabilities may be based on mental health conditions or circumstances over which they have no control, or their victimhood may rest on circumstances they can be taught to control. Remove the foundation upon which children’s vulnerability rests and their victimhood ends.

Here’s how to stop bullying:

• Don’t look for causes while anyone is in danger.
  • Physically remove bullies who threaten or seriously harm others.
  • Call 911 for bigger bullies.
  • Consider immediate psychiatric hospitalization.
• Before attempting to discipline a bully, check for disorders over which the child has little or no control – like Mood Disorders & Personality Disorders.
  • Consult with an experienced child psychiatrist or child psychologist.
  • Some mental health conditions will require medication.
• Once life-endangering threats are eliminated and underlying disorders blocking right choice-making have been identified and treated, you can discipline a bully.
  • Distinguish love (food, shelter and clothing – independent of behavior) from affection (all the perks you give your child – like toys, games, computer time, time spent with you, privileges). Love is a heritage, never withdrawn for misbehavior.
  • Use affection as a reward for your child’s right choices and withhold it when it’s unearned.

Here’s how to shield, then strengthen a victim:

• Stop life-endangering victimhood immediately.
• Physically remove your child from danger.
• Call 911 to stop dangerous bullying by bigger children.
• Discuss the bullying with the parent(s) of the bully & with responsible authorities.
• Identify possible physical, environmental or mental health conditions (like short stature, racial issues and autism) creating your child’s vulnerability.
  • Consult with an experienced pediatrician, child psychiatrist or child psychologist.
  • Some mental health disorders will require medication and others psychotherapy.
• Once underlying vulnerabilities are identified and treated, your child can learn strategies to avoid or fend off bullying.
  • Consult with a school counselor or psychotherapist to teach your child specific strategies.
  • Use affection to encourage your child to learn and use the strategies.