Disciplining Your Child

Can you imagine your child enjoying discipline? It can be done! As a Behavioral-Developmental Pediatrician currently practicing Child Psychiatry in Southwest Florida, I’ve taught many parents how to use discipline to guide their children away from misbehavior, motivate them to embrace right behavior and actually enjoy the process.

There’s a way to use discipline to instruct rather than punish your child. Punishments, especially spanking, slapping, restricting privileges and taking things away, inevitably lead your child to anger or depression – both of which make it more difficult to gain control. Anger provokes defiance and depression curbs motivation.

Here are the basic strategies:

• STOP life-endangering misbehavior with whatever (legal) force is required. A 911 call or admission to a child psychiatric crisis unit to prevent harm to your child or others is mandatory for such behavior. Don’t waste efforts on disciplining such behavior.
• Be sure misbehavior is worthy of your time. Don’t waste energy on merely annoying behavior.
• Be sure misbehavior is the result of willful defiance rather than due to a physical or mental disorder.
  • Bad choice-making by your child, expressed as willful defiance, makes you angry when you observe it. Defiance targets certain people and occurs under predictable circumstances.
  • Physical or mental disorders causing misbehavior are not under your child’s control and make you anxious or confused when you observe them.
  • Physical and mental disorders need treatment to restore your child’s ability to make right choices before they will respond to discipline. You’ll need professional help.
  • Willful defiance, worthy of your attention and not threatening immediate harm to your child or others, will respond to discipline. You can handle this yourself.
• Distinguish love (food, shelter and clothing – independent of behavior) from affection (all the perks you give your child – like toys, games, computer time, time spent with you, privileges). Love is a heritage, never withdrawn for misbehavior. Use affection as a reward for your child’s right choices and withhold when it’s unearned. Affection given in the presence of misbehavior defines bribery (a reward given before it’s earned) and bribery encourages misbehavior.

The secret to effective and enjoyable discipline for your child is to offer affection as a reward for right behavior. When affection is doled out carefully and thoughtfully, it becomes ever more valuable and attractive as an inducement to right behavior.

If you’d like to learn more about using these powerful strategies, visit my website: www.DrDavick.com.