Children who bully intentionally and repeatedly humiliate or injure others. There’s always a reason for bullying. Some children suffer from mental health conditions which lead to bullying and over which they have no control. Other children choose to bully to defend against such conditions. In all cases, there are underlying causes fueling bullying. Take away the fuel and bullying stops.

As with bullies, children who are victims of bullying are targeted for a reason. Their vulnerabilities may be based on mental health conditions or circumstances over which they have no control, or their victimhood may rest on circumstances they can be taught to control. Remove the foundation upon which children’s vulnerability rests and their victimhood ends.

Here’s how to stop bullying:

• Don’t look for causes while anyone is in danger.
  • Physically remove bullies who threaten or seriously harm others.
  • Call 911 for bigger bullies.
  • Consider immediate psychiatric hospitalization.
• Before attempting to discipline a bully, check for disorders over which the child has little or no control – like Mood Disorders & Personality Disorders.
  • Consult with an experienced child psychiatrist or child psychologist.
  • Some mental health conditions will require medication.
• Once life-endangering threats are eliminated and underlying disorders blocking right choice-making have been identified and treated, you can discipline a bully.
  • Distinguish love (food, shelter and clothing – independent of behavior) from affection (all the perks you give your child – like toys, games, computer time, time spent with you, privileges). Love is a heritage, never withdrawn for misbehavior.
  • Use affection as a reward for your child’s right choices and withhold it when it’s unearned.

Here’s how to shield, then strengthen a victim:

• Stop life-endangering victimhood immediately.
• Physically remove your child from danger.
• Call 911 to stop dangerous bullying by bigger children.
• Discuss the bullying with the parent(s) of the bully & with responsible authorities.
• Identify possible physical, environmental or mental health conditions (like short stature, racial issues and autism) creating your child’s vulnerability.
  • Consult with an experienced pediatrician, child psychiatrist or child psychologist.
  • Some mental health disorders will require medication and others psychotherapy.
• Once underlying vulnerabilities are identified and treated, your child can learn strategies to avoid or fend off bullying.
  • Consult with a school counselor or psychotherapist to teach your child specific strategies.
  • Use affection to encourage your child to learn and use the strategies.

Disciplining Your Child

Can you imagine your child enjoying discipline? It can be done! As a Behavioral-Developmental Pediatrician currently practicing Child Psychiatry in Southwest Florida, I’ve taught many parents how to use discipline to guide their children away from misbehavior, motivate them to embrace right behavior and actually enjoy the process.

There’s a way to use discipline to instruct rather than punish your child. Punishments, especially spanking, slapping, restricting privileges and taking things away, inevitably lead your child to anger or depression – both of which make it more difficult to gain control. Anger provokes defiance and depression curbs motivation.

Here are the basic strategies:

• STOP life-endangering misbehavior with whatever (legal) force is required. A 911 call or admission to a child psychiatric crisis unit to prevent harm to your child or others is mandatory for such behavior. Don’t waste efforts on disciplining such behavior.
• Be sure misbehavior is worthy of your time. Don’t waste energy on merely annoying behavior.
• Be sure misbehavior is the result of willful defiance rather than due to a physical or mental disorder.
  • Bad choice-making by your child, expressed as willful defiance, makes you angry when you observe it. Defiance targets certain people and occurs under predictable circumstances.
  • Physical or mental disorders causing misbehavior are not under your child’s control and make you anxious or confused when you observe them.
  • Physical and mental disorders need treatment to restore your child’s ability to make right choices before they will respond to discipline. You’ll need professional help.
  • Willful defiance, worthy of your attention and not threatening immediate harm to your child or others, will respond to discipline. You can handle this yourself.
• Distinguish love (food, shelter and clothing – independent of behavior) from affection (all the perks you give your child – like toys, games, computer time, time spent with you, privileges). Love is a heritage, never withdrawn for misbehavior. Use affection as a reward for your child’s right choices and withhold when it’s unearned. Affection given in the presence of misbehavior defines bribery (a reward given before it’s earned) and bribery encourages misbehavior.

The secret to effective and enjoyable discipline for your child is to offer affection as a reward for right behavior. When affection is doled out carefully and thoughtfully, it becomes ever more valuable and attractive as an inducement to right behavior.

If you’d like to learn more about using these powerful strategies, visit my website: www.DrDavick.com.

At the turn of the last century, what is now called ADHD was known as “A Defect in Moral Control,” because kids couldn’t avoid breaking rules.
When it was discovered some kids with the defect had suffered injury to the brain or nervous system, the name was changed to Minimal Brain Dysfunction (MBD).
As time went on, it became clear many kids with MBD inherited the disorder from previous generations. The name was again changed to ADHD.
Kids don’t choose to acquire the disorder and they can’t choose to make it go away. Its symptoms, including impulsivity, distractibility and difficulty sequencing thoughts make it difficult or impossible for kids to anticipate the consequences of their acts.
Since kids with ADHD have trouble anticipating consequences, failing to restore their ability to anticipate consequences by treating their ADHD inevitably blocks effective discipline.
Disciplining kids with untreated ADHD leads to frustration, then to depression or anger – both unwelcome visitors in any household.